Don't You Forget About Me
by Swanderful
Summary: What if Jake turned up on the beach before Bella even thought about jumping off the cliff? Will she be able to go on in the same way she has for the past months? What will she do when she realises that things need to change? Please R/R
1. Just a few minutes earlier

**I love the Twilight series! But I always wondered what would happen if Bella hadn't jumped that day on the beach. When I was writing this I wanted to meld Stephenie Meyers story so that they would meld together seamlessly. Many of the words belong to her. I'm just borrowing them, and her AMAZING characters. Try and spot where her writing ends and mine begins.**

"I'll be at the beach", I told Billy abruptly, and hurried out the door.

Being outside didn't help as much as I had hoped. The clouds pushed down with an invisible weight that kept the claustrophobia from easing. The forest seemed strangely vacant as I walked toward the beach. I didn't see any animals- no birds, no squirrels. I couldn't hear any birds either. The silence was eerie; there wasn't even the sound of wind in the trees.

I know it was just a product of the weather, but it still made me edgy. The heavy, warm pressure of the atmosphere was perceptible to even my weak human senses, and it hinted at something major in the storm department. A glance at the sky backed this up; the clouds were churning sluggishly despite the lack of breeze on the ground. The closest clouds were a smoky grey, but between the cracks I could see another layer that was a gruesome purple colour. The skies had a ferocious plan in store for today. The animals must be bunkering down.

As soon as I reached the beach, I wish I hadn't come- I'd already had enough of this place. I'd been here almost every day, wandering alone. Was it so much different from my nightmares? But where else to go? I trudged to the driftwood tree, and sat at the end so that I could lean against the tangled roots. I stared up at the angry sky broodingly, waiting for the first drops to break the stillness.

I tried not to think about the danger Jacob and his friends were in. because nothing could happen to Jacob. The thought was unendurable. I'd lost so much already- would fate take the last few shreds of peace left behind? That seemed unfair, out of balance. But maybe I'd violated some rule, crossed some line that had condemned me. Maybe it was wrong to be involved with myths and legends, to turn my back on the human world. Maybe…

No. Nothing would happen to Jacob. I had to believe that or I wouldn't be able to function.

"Bella," I heard a small, familiar voice call from the end of the beach. My heart skipped a beat. It was Jake! Despite the distance my eyes searched his body for any signs of harm. For any sign that Victoria had touched him. There was nothing. He lopped over to the driftwood tree like this was any other morning; like he hadn't just risked his life.

Then I saw his face. It was an expression I was growing more accustomed to lately; though by no means liked. Worried, angry, relieved, sad.

"What happened?" my eyes frantically assessed his body again. He was fine. It wasn't him. Then who? A movement behind him caught my attention. Sam had broken through the trees; and now waited at the edge of the stone beach. He was too far away, but I was sure his face held the same expression as Jacobs.

"Nothing happened, Bells. She got away from us, that's all. None of us got hurt. I was just afraid that she might double back through the bay, and you've been spending so much time down here that I was worried that she might run into you. So I came here as quick as I could, Sam came as back up. Just in case." I was so relieved that I broke my boundary rules, and jumped at Jacob, throwing my arms around him and burying my face in his warm chest. Jake laughed and wrapped his arms tightly around my shoulders, resting his warm cheek against the top of my head.

"I was so worried about you. It was driving me crazy!" I knew he wouldn't like my worrying, but I also knew he would enjoy it. Jake sighed, his breath tickling the hairs on my head.

"You know you don't have to worry about me. I'm fine. I'm always fine. No worries, Bella." He sounded exasperated, but he was definitely enjoying himself. I smiled into his chest. He was an idiot, and he was going to get himself killed one of these days.

The waves crashed angrily against the stones. I started to pull out of the hug, it was feeling a little uncomfortable, but Jacob tightened his grip, pulling me closer towards his too warm body.

"Jake," I complained quietly. He released me, but grabbed my hand, refusing to let me go completely.

"I know, I know. It's fine, Bella. I'll be good." He smiled his cheeky smile, the smile that belonged to the old Jacob, my Jacob, before there was any Sam to taint his face. I couldn't stay annoyed at him when he smiled like that.

"So, what do we do now?" He was there which made me feel better, but it also reminded me of the promise he'd made. He was going to take me cliff diving. I was going to hear Edward.

But one look at Jacobs face and I knew something was wrong.

"We have to back to my house." I didn't understand. He had promised cliff diving, he was here, so was the cliff. I had planned on hearing Edward today. The whole had been festering lately, like it was getting revenge for the times that Jacobs presence had tamed it. The edges burned.

Jacob seemed torn. He didn't want to tell me what was going on. I looked behind him, searching for Sam. He might tell me. But Sam was gone. The place where he had stood, where the trees met the pebble beach, was empty. I looked back at jakes face. He was watching me with sad eyes.

"Sam's not there. He's gone to the hospital." Hospital? He said no one was hurt! Which one of Jacobs brothers had I harmed?

"Calm down Bella! We're all fine. It's… It's Harry. He was taken to hospital cause of his heart. Dad was leaving when I got there to check on you. He said that Sue thinks it's a heart attack. He was meeting Charlie there. Sam came down here to check on you, but he's gone to the hospital too."

"Harry? What? A heart attack? We have to go," I started to pull him toward the path. My truck was at the house, so we would have to go there first. Now I understood why Jake said we had to go home instead of cliff diving.

"Whoa! Wait up there, speedy! We can't go to the hospital..."

"What? Why not?" I cut him off, spinning around. What did he mean we couldn't go? I had to be there for Charlie.

"Because, both Sam and my dad told me to wait at home. So that means you too. And besides, we would just be in the way. There are enough people for Harry at the hospital already, and Charlie would just be worrying about you if we went. Dad said he'd keep us posted. So there isn't any point in going. Besides, it's way comfier at my house than in a hospital waiting room."

I knew he was right. He knew I knew he was right. Jake smiled at me. He was gloating. He loved it when he won.

Jacob headed off down the beach, this time dragging me. His warm hand securely around mine so I couldn't break free. We had reached the track that lead to the car park, and then to the road, when the first drops hit. Heavy balls of rain thudded against the ferns, pushing them roughly on their way to the ground. We had reached the road by the time it was pouring down. A solid wall of rain enclosed is in- blocking our way up the road and home.

I looked up at Jake, squinting as the rain pummelled my face, almost blinding me. A huge grin stretched across his face as he looked back at me. He started to laugh. His booming guffaw barley audible over the thunderous rain, and I couldn't help but laugh along with him.

We were soaked through before we even got a chance to move. Jake, still laughing loudly pulled me into a run. My clothes clung to my limbs. They were slowing me down. I tripped, my legs tightly confined in my jeans, landing face first in the mud. Jake stopped laughing, only for a second, before he boomed louder than before. I sat back, waiting for his fit to calm. I couldn't get anymore wet, so what was my hurry. Jacobs hoots turned into chuckles as he looked down at me, still sitting in the mud, arms crossed, an angry expression warning him of the danger he was in.

Still chuckling, he pulled me up, my clothes squelched as I moved. I was still annoyed at him, but I too was fighting the smile that threatened to break free. Jacob set off again, pulling me more carefully now. He was trying hard to stop laughing, but still a little giggle escaped through his lips every now and then.

Despite the slower pace, I still managed to fall again. We were only half way up the road, and I knew it was going to happen much more if he kept dragging me.

"We have to slow down," I yelled, trying to pitch my voice over the rain. I was sure he heard me, he had super-human werewolf hearing after all, but he looked at me like he was an idiot. I was about to yell at him again, but he suddenly burst into laughter. Before I knew it, Jacob pulled me up into his arms and sped down the road.

The rain was pelting my body, then all of a sudden it stopped, and all I could hear was Jacob laughing. We stood just inside the door to Jacobs small house, our soaked clothes dripping on the carpet. Jakes voice boomed through the small living room. I couldn't tell if it was the rain or his laughter that was making the house vibrate slightly.

"Put me down, Jacob," I folded my arms over my chest, trying to stare at him with as much force as possible. But he was still laughing so hard it was shaking me. I wondered briefly if this was what it felt like for Jake, before he phased.

"Sure, sure," he said, his laughing fit easing, as he put me on my feet. "Wait here," and he disappeared into his bedroom.

I stood in the doorway, looking around the dark house. The cramped front room seemed so empty without Billy, almost desolate. It was strangely ominous- probably because I knew where he was.

I turned to shut the door. The wind was picking up, and it was blowing rain into the house. Jake came back then, wearing a dry pair of sweatpants, his arms full of the blankets and pillows from his bed.

"There's a dry change of clothes on my bed for you. They'll be huge, but it'd the best I've got."

"I've got a change of clothes out in my truck, Jacob," I said as he walked past me and dumped the blankets on the floor by the couch.

"Yeah, but by the time you get them in here they'll be just as wet as what you're wearing now." There was really no use arguing with him, so I slipped my shoes off and trudged into his bedroom.

A pile of grey cotton sat at the end of Jacobs' bed. The room was tiny, only just having room for the bed, with a small border of floor surrounding it. I shut the door quietly as I looked around the room; then started to peel off my sodden clothes. My shirt pulled tight as it stuck to back, and I had to use all the strength I had to peel my jeans from my legs- but eventually I stood in the small space between Jacobs bed and the wall, panting, my arms full of dripping clothes.


	2. Thinking of Juliet

**I didn't get any reviews for chapter one, but I did get someone favourite and another put story alert on. I want to thank you 2 for making my day. You made me feel so special!!!**

**Anyway, I don't own these characters. We all know who thought of them first. DANG! Why don't I ever have the multimillion dollar making dreams?**

**Once again, I used some of Stephenie Meyer's great words. For the melding and what not. See if you can spot it. ENJOY!**

I felt extremely uncomfortable standing in Jacobs' bedroom, half naked. This didn't seem to be a turn I was expecting from my life. Even with the Cullen's gone, even knowing Edward didn't love me, even knowing Jake did, I couldn't wrap my head around the concept that this was my life now. I spent all my time with a boy who loved me, who I couldn't love back. I risked my own safety constantly in order to grasp at the last shreds of someone who I loved, but didn't love me back; and when I wasn't risking my life, those around me were risking theirs to try and save me.

I wasn't just hurting myself anymore, I was hurting Jacob and Charlie and the rest of the wolves. There had to be something I could do to bring my rein of carnage to an end?

Though I was the reason the wolves were risking their lives, I couldn't stop it unless I found Victoria and offered myself to her- and I really didn't see that happening with my every move being monitored by Jacob and his family. I could only help Charlie by helping myself, but with the new pain of Harry, I didn't see how his suffering could be eased any time soon. I didn't see how I could help myself, either. The pain I felt wasn't coursed by me, and was the kind of injury that never healed. I knew I would forever carry my broken heart, and the throbbing whole on my chest. I knew this just as surely as I knew that I would survive- in one piece or not.

But there was one person whose pain I could cure. Jacob was hurting because of me- though he would never admit it. He loved me with all his soul. All I had to do was love him back- in the way that he needed. It shouldn't be hard, I already loved him, I couldn't imagine my life without him, my happiness depended on his happiness. How hard could it be to cross the last remaining boundary and be with him in every way? He wasn't mine. But he could be- if I was brave enough.

My teeth started to chatter, breaking me out of my reverie. I didn't know how long I had been standing there, holding my wet clothes. There was a small puddle of water soaking into the worn carpet, so it must have been a while.

I quickly hung my jeans and shirt over the end rail of the bed, picking up Jacobs sweats. The jumper, which matched the pants Jacob was wearing, was humungous. I swan inside it- it could almost be a dress. I hurriedly put the gym shorts on, pulling the cord so far it looked like it would fall out. I had lost so much weight over the past few months.

I pushed the sleeves of the sweater up around my elbows, and grabbed my wet clothes from the end of the bed. My hair hung straight and wet, starting to soak my back. I stopped before I opened the door, fished a hair tie out of my jeans pocket, and put my hair up into a heavy ponytail. The water started to drip from the ends. I could hear the light pats on the carpet behind me.

I walked down the short hall, laundry in my arms, to find Jacob sprawled on the small couch, both pillows under his head, and the pile of blankets heaped on the floor. His eyes were closed, but I didn't know if he was asleep. He looked so peaceful. I smiled a secret smile to myself. _Was _I brave enough to love him back?

I turned away from Jacobs still form and started to carry over chairs from the table, to in front of the heater, as quietly as I could. I didn't want to wake him if he was asleep. He slept so little these days.

"That's a very flattering look for you," Jacob said quietly, a smile in his voice. "You should wear it more often."

"Thank you. I thought I might start a new trend," I laughed back at him as I finished hanging my jeans over the chair to dry.

"No, really! It suites you."

"Jake, I look like a drowned a drowned cat," I felt myself blush lightly and I had to turn away so Jacob wouldn't tease me. Maybe I could be brave. Why did Jacob always say the things made it hard to decide?

"If you look like a drowned cat, I have to go to the pet store," he laughed. "Come and sit down, Bells. I'm sure we have a while to wait." Jacob patted the end of the couch, where his legs currently occupied the entire space.

I sighed as I came closer, and started to lay the blankets on the floor, like a picnic rug. Jacob probably never used the blankets anymore. They would just heat his already scorching skin. One still had crease marks etched into the material, from being folded so long. Jacob must know I would need them.

He watched me as I inspected my makeshift bed.

"It won't be very comfortable down there," he said, eyeing sceptically.

"It would be more comfortable if I had one of those pillows."

"Oh, no! First in, best dressed," he smiled, folding his arms over his head, in an effort to protect his white feather bounty. I lunged, grabbing a soft corner, and yanked, with all my strength, at the pillows. Both came with me as I darted back to a safe distance, and Jacobs's head thunked back against the arm of the couch, rather loudly.

I was shocked, but I couldn't help but laugh at Jacobs's stunned expression. Faining injury, he rubbed the back of his head and glowered at me. Childishly I poked my tongue out.

"First in best dressed," I laughed.

I threw him one of the pillows, which he folded in half behind his head, and settled down on the floor, pulling one of the blankets over me.

"How long do you think until we hear something? When did Billy say he'd call?"

"He just said he'd keep us posted. But I wouldn't get my hopes up, Bells. Everyone will be a little distracted over there." Jacob looked so sad. He might loose family today. I felt horrible, but I felt relieved that it wasn't because of me.

Jacob switched the television on, and flicked through the limited channels. Sports, movie, talk show, cartoons, cooking show, news. We could barely hear over the rain pounding heavily on the roof. Jake left it on the movie. The actors' lips moved, but I wasn't listening. I was looking at Jacob, his eyes closing slowly. He looked so tired. How much sleep had he gotten lately, with Victoria still on the loose?

Poor Harry. Poor Sue. I knew Charlie was going to be beside himself. Harry was one of his best friends. I hoped fervently that Harry would pull through. For Charlies sake. For Sues and Leah's and Seth's…

Lying on the floor, next to the sofa, my head was close to the radiator. My dark hair felt hot on my head, and as I reached up to touch it, it felt almost dry. I yanked my hair out of the ponytail and fanned it out over the slightly soaked pillow.

Jacob began softly snoring, and the sound, mixed with the beating rain and the low voices from the television, was very soothing. His slow, deep breathing was like a lullaby hummed to a child, like the whisper of a rocking chair, like the ticking of an old clock when you had nowhere you needed to go… It was the sound of comfort. With Jacob so close, and safe, I felt calmer than I had in months. I slowly slipped into a dozing sleep.

For the first time in a very long time, my dream was just a normal dream. Just a blurred wandering through old memories- blinding bright visions of the Phoenix sun, my mothers face, a ramshackle tree house, a faded quilt, a wall of mirrors, presents wrapped in silver… I forgot each of them as soon as the picture changed.

The last was the only one that stuck in my head. A balcony at night, a painted moon hanging in the sky. I watched the girl in her nightdress lean on the railing and talk to herself.

Meaningless… but when I woke up, Juliet was on my mind.

Jacob was still asleep. His hand had fallen from the couch as he had moved, and now lay on my stomach. It's light pressure felt reassuring. The house was darker now; it was black outside the windows. My backed ached from lying on the hard floor, but I was warm and my hair was dry, and miraculously so was the pillow.

I was hungry and thirsty. I had nit eaten since breakfast, and my stomach rumbled under Jacobs's hand.

Instead of moving, I thought about Juliet some more.

I wondered what she would have done if Romeo had left her, not because he was banished, but because he lost interest? What if Rosalind had given him the time of day, and he'd changed his mind? What if, instead of marrying Juliet, he'd just disappeared?

I thought I knew hoe Juliet would feel.

She wouldn't go back to her old life, not really. She wouldn't ever have moved on, I was sure if that. Even if she'd lived until she was old and grey, every time she closed her eyes, it would have been Romeo's face she saw behind her lids. She would have accepted that, eventually.

I wander if she would have married Paris in the end, just to please her parents, to keep the peace. No, probably not, I decided. But then, the story didn't say much about Paris. He was just a stick figure- a placeholder, a threat, a deadline to force her hand.

What if there were more to Paris?

What if Paris had been Juliet's friend? Her very best friend? What if he was the only one she could confide in about the whole devastating thing with Romeo? The one person who really understood her and made her feel halfway human again? What if he was patient and kind? What if he took care of her? What if Juliet knew she couldn't survive without him? What if he really loved her, and wanted her to be happy?

And… what if she loved Paris? Not like Romeo. Nothing like that, of course. But enough that she wanted him to be happy, too?

If Romeo was really gone, never coming back, would it have eve mattered whether or not Juliet had taken Paris up on his offer? Maybe she would have tried to settle into the leftover scraps of life that were left behind. Maybe that would have been as close to happiness as she could get.

I was reading too much into the story. Romeo wouldn't change his mind. That's why people still remember his name, always twined with hers: Romeo and Juliet. That's why it was a good story. "Juliet gets dumped and ends up with Paris" would never have been a hit.

The rain was still pelting hard on the roof, though I couldn't see out the windows anymore. The movie Jacob had put on earlier had ended a while ago, and new actors moved across the screen. I could hear faint laughter as the actors' sentences ended and they looked at each other. It must be a sitcom.

My stomach felt uncomfortably empty, hollow under Jacobs' hand. I lifted his arm and placed it back against his side. My back ached as I got up from the floor, but I'd ha worse. My jeans, hanging on the chair in front of the heater, were completely dry, and warm. I quickly pulled them over the gym shorts, hoping that they would warm my legs before they cooled down.

My feet padded quietly on the laminate flor of the kitchen as I searched for something to eat. I could cook, and wake up Jake so he could eat too, but he looked so peaceful lying on the sofa. He definitely needed sleep more that he needed food. I rummaged through the cupboard, looking for something packaged. Behind a box of cereal, hidden probably, was a bag of chips. I tried to quietly pull them from the hiding spot, but the bright red bag crackled loudly. With a sharp tug, the bag opened, and the strong cheese smell wafted up to me.

Jacob was still asleep, thankfully. I felt a little out of place, eating someone's stash. I would replace it next time I came down. That made me feel better.

I went and sat on my pillow, next to Jacobs's head, and pulled a blanket across my legs. As I munched on the chips, cheesy orange stains left on my fingers, I flicked the TV channels. Motorbikes whizzed past the camera on the sports channel, as the racers sped to finish the lap.

After a minute one of the racers back wheels started to wobble, then, as they lost control of their bike, they skidded across the tarmac. The accident looked so familiar to me. But I had been purposefully endangering myself with the whole irresponsible Evil Knievel bit. What if something had happened to me? What would that do to Charlie? Harry's heart attack had pushed everything into perspective for me. Perspective that I didn't want to see, because- if I admitted to the truth- it would mean that I would have to change my ways. Could I live like that?

Maybe. It wouldn't be easy; in fact, it would be downright miserable to give up my hallucinations and try to be a grown-up. But maybe I should do it. And maybe I could. If I had Jacob.

I couldn't make the decision right now. It hurt too much…

My thoughts were interrupted when the door opened, and lights flicked on. I blinked, momentarily blind. Jake startled awake, gasping and jumping to his feet. I got up after him, letting the chip packet fall to the floor.

**So I have a few more chapters up my sleeve, if any of you think I should continue with this story. Maybe I should give one of the other stories rattling around in my mind a go? But I really like how this one is going. It feels really natural to write. What do you guys think? Do I have any more readers, other than my two new buddies? Let me know what you think.**


	3. Confessions of a teenager and werewolf

**AN- Thanks to every one of you kind people who reviewed the last chapter! Much love to you all. **

**Now we're getting into my own writing! Yay! I hope you like it (fingers crossed)**

**It's been longer than I meant it to be since I last posted, and for that I apologies.**

**Last but not least, I don't own these characters, just the path that I'm making them walk down. Wish I did own them though! That would be frickin awesome!**

"Sorry," Billy grunted. "Did we wake you?"

My eyes slowly focused on his face, and then, as I could read his expression, they filled with tears.

"Oh, no, Billy!" I moaned.

He nodded slowly, his expression hard with grief. Jake hurried to his father and took one of his hands. The pain made his face suddenly childlike- it looked odd on top of the man's body.

Sam was right behind Billy, pushing his chair through the door. His normal was composer absent from his agonized face.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered.

Billy nodded. "It's gonna be hard all round."

"Where's Charlie?"

"Your dad is still at the hospital with Sue. There were a lot of … arrangements to be made."

I swallowed hard.

"I'd better get back there," Sam mumbled, and he ducked hastily out the door.

Billy pulled his hand away from Jacob, and then he rolled himself through the kitchen toward his room.

Jake stared after him for a minute, then came back to me, and sank back onto the couch. He put his face in his hands. I quietly sat next to him, and wrapped my arm over his shoulders, rubbing my hand across his back, wishing I could think of anything to say.

After a long moment, Jacob took my other hand, which was resting of his arm, and held it too his face. He twisted his head to look at me. His eyes were rimmed in red. "You should get home- you probably ought to be there when Charlie gets back."

Jakes eyes were wells of sadness. I didn't want to leave him like this. But Charlie would need me. They both needed me now, more than ever before. I had to strong. I had to make decisions. "Right."

I grabbed my shirt from the back of the chair it had dried on and headed for the door. The small house was incredibly quiet, and I only then realised the rain had stopped pounding heavily on the roof.

I walked straight out into the drizzle to my truck, not even looking back at Jake. I felt like a peeping tom, peering through cracks at a private sorrow that wasn't mine.

I didn't know Jacob had followed me, and the creak of the passenger door opening startled me for a second.

"You're coming with me?" it was a stupid question but I couldn't think of anything else to say as he looked at me expectantly.

"Yeah. I don't really want to be alone. Anyway, I can't let you drive home by yourself. We still haven't caught the bloodsucker, remember?"

"Jake…" I tried to plead as I held back a shudder that had nothing to do with the cold cab of my truck.

"Not now, Bella. Let's just go to your house and wait for Charlie," he interrupted. The sadness had returned to his eyes, so I just started the engine and pulled away from Jacobs small red house.

It was a quiet ride after that. The cold air had shocked me. My mind was alert, and it was working very hard and very fast.

What if? What was the right thing to do?

I couldn't imagine my life without Jacob now- I cringed away from the idea of even trying to imagine that. Somehow, he'd become essential to my survival. But to leave things the way they were… was that cruel, as Mike had accused?

I remembered wishing that Jacob were my brother. I realised now that all I wanted was a claim on him. It didn't feel brotherly when he held my hand, when he stared into my eyes as if he were looking deep down inside me. It just felt nice- warm and comforting and familiar. Safe. Jacob was a safe harbour.

I could stake a claim. I had that much within my power.

I'd have to tell him everything, I knew that. It was the only way to be fair, I'd have to explain it right, so that he'd know I wasn't settling, that he was much to good for me. He already knew I was broken, that part wouldn't surprise him, but he'd need to know the extent of it. I'd have to admit I was crazy- explain about the voices I heard. He'd need to know everything before he made a decision.

But, even as I recognised that necessity, I knew he would take me in spite of it all. He wouldn't even pause to think it through.

I would have to commit to this- commit as much of me as there was left, every one of the broken pieces. It was the only way to be fair to him. Would I? Could I?

Would it be so wrong to try and make Jacob happy? Even if the love I felt for him was no more of a weak echo of what I was capable of; even if my heart was far away, wandering and grieving after my fickle Romeo, would that be so very wrong?

I pulled up in front of my dark house, cutting the engine so it was suddenly quiet, and turned to find Jacob staring at me. Like so many other times, he seemed to be in tune with my thoughts now.

He slid toward me, pulling me into a hug, crushing me against his chest, binding me to him. Again, this felt nice. Almost like being a whole person again.

I thought he would be thinking about Harry, but then he spoke and his tine was apologetic. "Sorry. I know you don't feel exactly the way I do, Bells. I swear I don't mind… much." He laughed his throaty laugh in my ear.

I wanted to say something. To tell him that he wasn't entirely right. To tell him the truth. But the words caught in my throat as my breath kicked up a notch.

Wouldn't Edward, indifferent as he might be, want me to be as happy as possible under the circumstances? Wouldn't enough friendly emotion linger for him to want that much for me? I thought he would. He wouldn't begrudge me this: giving just a small bit of the love he didn't want to my friend Jacob. After all, it wasn't the same love at all.

Jake pressed his warm cheek against the top of my hair. If I turned my face to the side- if I pressed my lips against his bare shoulder… I knew without any doubt exactly what would follow. It would be very easy. There would be no need for explanations tonight.

But could I do it? Could I betray my absent hearts to save my pathetic life?

Butterflies assaulted my stomach as I thought about turning my head.

And then, as clear as if I was in danger, Edward's velvet voice whispered in my ear.

"Be happy," he told me.

I froze.

Jacob felt me stiffen and released me automatically, reaching for the door.

_Wait_, I wanted to say. _Just a minute_. But I was still locked in place, listening to the echo of Edwards voice in my head.

Storm-cooled air blew through the cab of the truck. Jacob was already out into the pitch-black night before I composed myself.

"Shoot!" I almost fell out of the car as the lights inside the house started flicking on. "Jake, wait. Let me explain!"

I stumbled through the front door, raindrops glistening on my shoulders in the hall light.

"You don't need to explain anything, Bella," Jacob called from the kitchen, as he rummaged trough the fridge, the jars clinking softly. I followed the noise. "I understand. I can be good. I'll be quiet. I'll be good." He shot me a cheeky smile over his shoulder as he made a sandwich. I didn't believe him, but I also didn't want to believe him.

"Jake, please let me explain," my voice was soft and pleading. I didn't think I was ready to make this decision, but I would push him away if I didn't, like a band-aid, I thought, do it quickly.

Jacob heard the change in my voice. He turned to me, bread in one hand, a knife in the other. His eyes searched mine, confused, but so tender that I dropped mine to the floor. I couldn't look at his kind eyes knowing, as soon as I told him, they wouldn't be the same.

"Jake," I was struggling to think of the words that I wish I'd had time to plan. "It's… it's not that I don't feel the same way. Truly. It's just that… that you shouldn't feel that way about me." Part of me wanted to look at his face. To see if I was hurting him. But, like a coward, I kept my eyes firmly on the floor.

"Bella…" He moved a step forward before I could go on.

"No, Jake. Stop. You need to understand. You shouldn't be with me." I looked up then. His face was unreadable. So many emotions rushed across his features, not seeming to be able to decide which he felt more.

His voice was cold when he finally spoke. "It's because you think I'm dangerous. You think I'm going to hurt you. Like Sam and Emily. Or like how _He _hurt you. Because, Bella, I would never…" His voice choked off as he tried to say the words.

"Jacob, no!" I said, surprised by his train of thought. "It's not that at all. I know you would never hurt me. In any way. It's just that I… that you're… I don't deserve you. You're too good for me." It came out in a rush. I couldn't stop the words before they were out, to see if they were wrong

"I'm broken, Jake. _I'm _no good. I'm crazy. You don't deserve that." I could see that he was going to protest, but I had to get it out before he had a chance to argue. "Please let me finish," I couldn't look at him anymore. My eyes dropped to the floor as I felt the tears come.

"I'm crazy, Jacob. I mean really crazy. The whole thing with the motorbikes. It's because when I was in danger, when I was doing something reckless and stupid, I heard Him. I could hear his voice, telling me to stop, as if he was standing right in front of me. I wanted to jump off the cliff so I could hear him. And it's not just that. I was a zombie. I can't sleep without nightmares. I feel like there's a giant whole punched through my chest. I'm broken, and crazy, and I used you so I could hear him. I don't know if I can ever be the same again, if I could ever love anybody the same again. And you deserve someone who can do that. Who can love you, and who isn't some crazy, nut job, adrenaline junkie who hears voices. You deserve the best, and that's not me." My voice cracked and faded. There was so much more I wanted to tell him. Like how he's the only thing that makes me feel human again. But the tears were running thick and fast, and as I gasped for breath I knew I had to hear his reaction before I could go on.

"Are you serious?" I still couldn't make my eyes move, to look him in the face. He wasn't saying anything else. I wracked my brain for an answer.

"Yes. I know it' stupid, and dangerous. And I know that if I had gotten seriously hurt Charlie would have freaked. But I'm stopping! No more stupid and reckless. I promise you that," my voice trailed off into the heavy silence of the kitchen. I still couldn't look at him.

"That's not what I meant, Bella." He sounded so tender; and so close. I looked up then to find him standing only a foot away. "I meant, do you seriously not think that you're the best? Whose version of 'the best' are you referring to?"

"But what about?..."

"But what about the crazy, nut job, adrenaline junkie, hearing voices stuff?" I looked into his eyes and nodded. Could he really not care about it all, and still want me? "I don't care about that stuff, Bella. Sure, it's totally messed up, and you might need some serious help, but, if you haven't already noticed, I love you."

**Hope you liked it! I'll try to get the next chapter written and up sooner than this one was. Touch wood…**


	4. After the truth is out

**A/N- I'm sorry it's taken so long for me to get this chapter up. But real life called, and boy did it call hard. When I was half way through writing this chapter a good friend of mine took his own life. It's been really hard the past couple months. I feel bad using it as an excuse, but I just want you all to understand, and to know that I never intended it to take this long. I just haven't been functioning much recently. **

**I'm dedicating this chapter to my friend, Chris. He always encouraged me to write and told me that if I loved something, why shouldn't I share it with the world. He was the one who told me to start posting this story, even though he thought the fact that I was writing about Twilight was lame. **

**I really hope you guys like it. Much love to you all.**

My mouth felt suddenly dry. I couldn't think of anything to say. My heart raced as I looked up at him, trying to figure out the best way to respond. He was watching me. Standing so close. Just waiting. I could see the hope in his face. Hope that I'd say it too. Could I say it? I didn't think so. Not yet. I wasn't even sure if I _could_ love anybody. If I could, it would never be in the same way. But could I try? For Jacob? I could only do it for him.

"Jake…" The word came out quiet and strangled. And then his arms were around me. So quickly it was disorientating. He held me to him, cradling my head against his chest, as a sob wracked my body.

"Jake… I… I can't… I'm not ready…"

"Shhh, Bells. It's okay. I know. You don't have to worry. It was always going to take time. And I can wait. I'll never go anywhere."

He stroked my hair as the sobs slowly ebbed, and my breathing returned too normal. Then it was just us, standing in silence in the middle of the kitchen, Jacob hold me as I held on to him will all my strength. The whole in my chest no longer burned with Jake holding me so close. In a way it felt right. Like home. But I knew that there were still parts of me missing; that would always be missing. That would always belong to Edward. But what of the rest of me? Jacob loved me. And hoped that I would love him one day. He knew I wasn't ready. He accepted that. Accepted me. He now knew I was crazy, about the voices. And still here he was, holding me so tightly, stroking my hair, telling me he loved me. I knew then that I would try.

My reverie was interrupted by Jakes quiet voice.

"You could have gotten yourself killed, Bella. What if you'd taken it a step too far? I don't think I could live with myself if you'd gotten seriously hurt."

"I know. I'm sorry." My voice was weak and strained, but I knew he could hear.

"At least you were always with me. No harm done," he said softly, his tone full of forgiveness.

And here we were again, just like in the truck. Jacob with his arms around me, resting his warm cheek on the top of my head, the side of my face pressed against his chest, and if I turned my head, I knew what would follow. I waited for Edwards voice again, but nothing came. And before I even knew what I was doing, I'd turned my face and softly kissed Jacobs chest, just under his heart.

In that moment, so many things happened. I heard Jakes faint gasp; felt his arms tighten around me, and the slight sense that I was falling backwards as he pushed me up against the wall. I saw the question in his eyes turn to determination, his face coming towards me. And then he was everywhere. His large hand cupping my face, the other anchoring me so I couldn't move. His warm lips pressed against mine in a rush, both soft and urgent. He smelled of the woods; wild and fresh.

My mind panicked, trying to comprehend Jacob's sudden attack and the unfamiliar heat that pressed against me. And then I was no longer in my own body- I was a spectator watching. I was standing frozen as Jake held me against the wall. My entire body had shut down- something I had learnt from Edward. My eyes were closed, my body limp and unresponsive under Jacobs' hands. I looked as though I might be sleeping. I wanted to laugh at the scene in front of me; it looked like a Disney movie gone wrong.

"Bella…" Jakes soft growl brought me back to the present. Back to my body and what was happening. That guttural sounds tugged at something deep inside me, something I thought had died in the woods in September. My heart sped up and my eyes flickered open, watching Jacob for a split second before they closed again and I surrendered.

My arms wounds around Jacobs' neck, my fingers twining themselves in his hair, pulling and digging deeper. My body pressed up against his until I could feel his heat from head to toe. The kiss deepened and I could feel the tip of his tongue dancing against my bottom lip. My lips parted as I drew in a shaky breath, my head spinning. And then my feet weren't on the ground. Jake lifted me, hands securely on my waist, tracing kisses down my throat. My hands let go of their fistfuls of his hair, traced down his neck, and wound around his shoulders, holding myself to him as hard as I could. Jacobs' mouth finally found it's way back to mine, and he kissed me deeply again. My fingernails dug into his shoulder blades as I gently bit his bottom lip, tugging him further towards me. The deep groan from the back of his throat was the only warning I got before he pressed against me again, parting my lips with his own, and lightly flicking my tongue with his.

That one light touch seemed to wake me from whatever trance I was in, shocking my system. Jacob had crossed a boundary that Edward never had, in fear that he would hurt me, and my body was startled by the unfamiliar connection.

I pushed Jakes shoulders lightly, but he didn't respond, instead kissing along my jaw and down my neck again.

"Jake," I warned softly, pushing him with all my might. This time he responded immediately. He stepped away from me, letting me drop to the floor onto my shaky legs, and stood, hunched and panting. I leaned against the wall for support, turning my face to the ceiling and closing my eyes.

"Whoa," Jacob laughed between gasping breaths.

I couldn't help but laugh with him. He sounded so surprised at what had just happened. I guessed we both were.

"Yeah, whoa." We didn't say anything else, and just let our breathing return to normal. A million thoughts ran through my head. I concentrated hard, staring at a spot on the ceiling, trying to figure out what the best thing to say now would be.

Jake stepped forward, arms' outstretched. "Bella, I..."

"Jacob, stop," I warned before he could say anything that would waver my confidence. "I'm not ready. Not yet. I'm not saying no, but I need some time before we do anything. I can't live without you, you're the only thing that makes me feel anything close to human, but I need to… acclimatise before we take the next step. Whatever that is." I looked straight into his eyes, willing to him to see my sincerity. "I'm not saying no."

A slow smile spread across his face, his smile like a ray of sun breaking through the clouds of my temporary rejection, and he nodded. I smiled back. I couldn't help it when he used his 'Old Jacob' smile. I wanted to hug him, to wrap my arms around him and hold him close, but I knew after what I'd just said that it wouldn't be the best move on my part.

Taking a deep breath I stepped away from the wall, looking around me at the kitchen. I hadn't really been home for the past week, spending all my time at the rez while the wolves were out hunting Victoria, and my absence was apparent. Though everything looked tidy, there was a thin layer of dust and grime covering nearly every surface. I dreaded to think what the rest of the house was like if this was how the kitchen looked. I wanted to do something; anything that might make life easier for Charlie- maybe it would make him feel just a little bit better to come home to a clean, organised house.

"How long are you going to be staying, Jake?" I asked, picturing him with a duster and a mop.

"Why? Do you want me to go?" He frowned a little, obviously disappointed that I wanted him gone.

"No! I want you to stay as long as you can, but I need to get some cleaning done before Charlie gets home, and two hands are better than one."

He nodded, smiling again, and followed me into the laundry. I handed him a duster and a bucket with a rag, telling him to dust and wipe everything downstairs, and I headed upstairs to the bathroom.

I was literally up to my elbows in Comet, scrubbing the floor of the bathtub, when a cough from the door made me jump out of my skin.

"As fun as it is watching you wag you butt in the air, I was wondering if there was anything else that needed to be done?"

Jacob was leaning against the doorjamb, a huge smile on his face as he watched me. I blew a strand of hair out of my face that had worked free from my messy bun, and glared at him.

"There is always things to be done, Jacob. Are there any dishes in the sink?"

"Already washed, dried and put away."

"Tidying the lounge room?"

"Done that too," he said, a smug look on his face.

"How long have I been up here?" I didn't think I'd been up here all that long, and I was just about done, but I'd still hadn't even finished this one room.

"Long enough," was all he said.

"But how'd you do all that while I've been in here? It couldn't have even been a hour!" I didn't even know why it mattered that much.

"I work a little faster than you do, Bella. Supernatural wolf speed, remember?"

I huffed and turned back to my work, scrubbing hard at the bathtub. The rogue lock of hair felling into my face again, and as I blew it out of the way, I heard Jake chuckle.

"If you get the vacuum out from the cupboard in the laundry, I'll be down in a minute," I grumbled without turning around.

Jacob laughed and left the bathroom.

"Yes, ma'am," he called as he went downstairs.

When I finally made is down, Jake had the vacuum waiting at the bottom of the stairs and was filling the mop bucket up in the laundry. The house looked spotless, everything tidy and clean, with a faint smell of pine and lemon. I knew Jake did a lot at home, with Billy in the wheelchair, but it surprised me how much he seemed to know how to do.

"Hey," I said as walked in. "Why don't I do the mopping while you vacuum upstairs, and then I'll get some diner ready?"

"You're not sick of me yet, then?" He asked, turning around.

"I'll never get sick of you, Jake. You know that right?"

He smiled as he handed me the soapy bucket and left the room. How could he think I would ever want him to leave? The familiar ache in my chest throbbed at the thought of sending him away, especially now. The memory of our kiss invaded my mind as I began to mob the kitchen. My body pressed tightly between Jacob and the wall. His hands roaming up and down my body. The feel of his shoulders under my hands. His lips against mine…

My heart racing, I stopped the thought. Was this what young love should be like? Tentative and slightly awkward. I wasn't used to it. What I'd had with Edward was deep and passionate right from the beginning, at least on my part. It was earth shattering and heart breaking. The kind of love that could set the universe alight, but destroy it just as quickly and devastatingly.

But now, as I heard the vacuum come to life upstairs, I wondered if that was wrong. Was that real love? Love shouldn't destroy you. It should be something that you cherish, not something that crumbles you into dust. I found myself very comfortable with Jacob in the house, doing mundane things. This could be my forever. An abbreviated forever from the last one I had chosen, but still one that I could be happy with.

Jake moved about above me, and I began to relax like I hadn't in this house for months.

I was half way through cooking Grandma Swan's beef stroganoff and I had no idea what time Charlie was going to get home. I had looked in the fridge for diner, but the option if Thursday's casserole didn't seem right. I knew Charlie would want some comfort after today, and Jacob was staying to eat, and I wanted to impress him a little.

As the water in the pasta pot began to boil, I heard the television switch off, and the groan of the couch springs, before Jacob suddenly appeared in the kitchen, a small smile playing on his lips.

"Had enough of Sports Centre?" I asked as I poured the pasta into the water.

"There are better things I could be doing." He replied, watching my every move.

I gave him a withered look, at which he chuckled, and turned back to the sauce. I didn't hear him, but I felt him come closer. His warmth was a dead give away.

"This smells really good, Bells," he said while stirring the creamy sauce. "But I don't think you made enough. What am I going to eat?"

"You'll eat what you're given, and you'll like it." I swatted him with the spoon playfully, though harder than I would have with anyone else.

"I'll love it, just like I love everything you give me." His tone was off, as if he was hiding a double meaning underneath his light-hearted bravado.

Just then I heard the cruiser pull into the driveway. I jumped away from Jacob, breaking the sudden tension between us, and hurried to open the door.

Charlie trudged slowly up the walk, his eyes on the ground and his shoulders slumped. I walked forward to meet him; he didn't even see me until I hugged him around the waist. He embraced me back fiercely.

"I'm so sorry about Harry, Dad."

"I'm really going to miss him," Charlie mumbled.

"How's Sue doing?"

"She seems dazed, like she hasn't grasped it yet. Sam's staying with her…" The volume of his voice faded in and out. "Those poor kids. Leah's just a year older than you, and Seth is only fourteen…" He shook his head.

He kept his arms tight around me as he started toward the door again.

Once we were in the hall, Charlie shrugging out of his coat, Jake appeared at the kitchen door. Charlie looked shocked for all of two seconds before he gave him a small smile.

"Hey Jake," he said as he made his way to the kitchen. "I thought you'd be at home with your dad."

"I think he just wanted to be alone for a while. And besides, I didn't want Bella being up here all by herself." Jacob winked at me behind Charlies back.

"How's Billy holding up?" I'd never seen my father cry, but I was pretty sure he was close to it now.

"Not so good. This has really hit him hard."

"It's hit us all hard. It was so unexpected. It'll take some time," Charlie consoled, patting Jacob on the shoulder before heading over to the cooker.

"Stroganoff, Bells?"

"Yeah." He gave me a small smile, and I smiled shyly back. We didn't need words. He knew it was my way off saying "I'm sorry for your loss. It's all going to be fine", just as I knew this was his way of saying "thankyou".

The timer went off for the pasta, slightly alleviating the mood that had started to settle.

"You two sit down and I'll serve everything up," I ordered as I got out plates and cutlery, laying them on the table.

Charlie sat in his usual chair and Jake sat opposite, in the chair where I usually sat. I strained the water from the pasta and spooned the beef on top. I gave Jacob as much as I could, knowing that I wouldn't eat all mine and that he would once he knew I was finished eating. We didn't say anything as we ate, which wasn't that different for Charlie and I, but it was a little odd with another person in the room. I ate three mouthfuls before I felt sick, and pushed my plate towards Jacob, who'd wolfed his down. He gave me a look that was obviously scolding me for eating so little, before he inhaled my food. Charlie stared at the wall as he ate, oblivious to the two of us sitting with him.

He finally snapped out of it when I picked up his empty plate. He looked right at me, blinked a few times, and then looked around the rest of the room.

"Did you guys clean?" he said out of the blue.

"Yeah."

He blinked a few more times, looked at me with glossy eyes, then looked around the room again.

"I'm going up to bed. Do you need a lift home Jake?"

"No, that's okay. I'll ring one of the guys to come get me. I have a feeling no ones going to be getting much sleep tonight, so they won't mind."

"Okay then," he said before trudging up the stairs.

Jacob and I sat quietly for a minute, listening to Charlie move around above us. Eventually I got up and started to do the dishes. Jake joined me, drying each one and putting them away.

"Do you want me to drive you home?" I asked as I wiped one of the plates and handed it to him.

"No. Half of the point of me coming with you was so you wouldn't be alone, just in case the red head took it as an opportunity. I'll run home. It'll take less time running than in your truck, anyway," he said with a smirk on his face.

"Don't knock the truck," I grinned at him.

"I wouldn't dare," he laughed before we fell back into silence.

"What was the other half?" I asked after a few minutes.

"Huh?"

"What was the other half of the reason you came with me tonight?"

"You can't guess?"

"Oh…" I couldn't look at him as I drained the water from the sink, but I could feel his eyes on me. "You knew?"

"No. But I'm an opportunistic guy." I smiled at that, but still couldn't look at him. I didn't know what would happen, so I looked out the window into the darkness.

"I better be going. But I'll be back later." At that I looked at him. A small smile played on his lips, like he knew something I didn't.

"By 'be back later' do you mean knock-on-the-door-like-a-normal-person be back later, or climb-the-tree-into-your-window-and-scare-you-half-to-death be back later?"

His smile grew bigger and I had a feeling I knew which one.

"Depends on how late it is when I drop by."

I felt like slapping him foe a second, but I just followed him out of the kitchen and into the hall. He waited at the door, looking at the wall as if he was debating something in his head. He turned to me, pulling me into a hug. It wasn't anything unusual for Jacob- we hugged all the time. But on this occasion he quickly gave me a kiss on the cheek, before he opened the door to the night air and strode towards the trees without looking at me or giving me a chance to respond.

**For Christopher Munstell (1989-2010). May the peace you find in the next life be what you we looking for. **


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